


I'm not famous

by Unda



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bro is eternally a shitbag so, F/F, M/M, Midnight Crew - Freeform, Past Child Abuse, Stabdads, Trans Dave Strider, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-06-14 04:51:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15381027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unda/pseuds/Unda
Summary: Music festival AU written in one afternoon the day after I went to a festival.In which Karkat Vantas is dragged to a festival by his best friend Kanaya so she can see her favourite musician up close and swoon in person.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The guy who poured snakebite all over me yesterday](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+guy+who+poured+snakebite+all+over+me+yesterday).



> The songs listed are by a great band called AJR and the songs are 'I'm not famous' and 'Sober Up' respectively, although the latter is only just mentioned.

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and honestly, you didn’t even want to be here. You have a wide variety of things that you hate including PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO SUNLIGHT, THINGS THAT COST TOO MUCH, STUPID PEOPLE AND LOUD MUSIC. Naturally you are spending your weekend at a very expensive music festival and to make matters worse you think you just ruined someone else’s day. 

The GROSS DRINK that you’re holding is seeping through your shirt a little but you’re ok because you’re wearing black. The guy staggering back from you with the formerly white tshirt that is now purple is not so lucky. 

“Oh fuck.” you say and step forward over the uneven ground, another thing you hate about this place. 

“Aw, what?” the guy whines, looking down at himself. 

“I’m sorry, I- BLUGH!” your apology is cut off as you try to lick off some of the VILE DRINK that’s spilled down your wrist but forgotten that Kanaya has terrible taste in drinks and it’s now all in your mouth. 

“What even is this, it smells like the corpse of Violet Beauregarde just exploded all over me.” the guy complains, pulling his shirt back from himself. 

Oh shit, he’s cute. You don’t know his name so for now he is CUTE GUY. Cute Guy has freckles for days and under his ostentatious cartoon patterned baseball cap he has soft blonde hair that curls around his ears but to your surprise his eyes are the prettiest ruby red you’ve ever seen. So, correction, you just slammed into a cute guy and drowned him in Kanaya’s drink, well done you. 

“Where are my shades?” he asks, looking around at the floor. You hit him hard enough to knock his glasses off? Great. 

“Shit, I’ll help you look.” you say and step back intending on kneeling down to search, only the moment you pull your foot back your search is over. A pair of former sunglasses lay ruined in your footprint in the mud, one lens is in approximately a billion pieces and one arm is snapped clean off. You had assumed you’d stood on a rock, you were wrong.

Cute Guy makes this wounded noise and drops to his knees, picking them up from the ground. He looks like the world has just ended and you’re pretty sure he’s genuinely upset. 

“Fucking great, I’m sorry I didn’t see them. Look, just… tell me where you got them and I’ll get you a new pair, yeah?” you offer. 

Cute Guy looks up at you with a glare, his hands tightening around the warped frames. 

“I didn’t get them here. My best friend gave them to me, they’re vintage.” he says. Well, damnit, that’s probably going to be more expensive but you did break them. You put your big stupid foot on them and broke them. 

“Well… well, ok. Tell me how much they are and I’ll try to find a way to pay you back.” you tell him. 

“You can’t just buy another pair! They are- were a movie prop, they touched Ben Stiller’s weird sort of gaunt face! They’re priceless.” Cute Guy says, looking away from you to his mangled glasses and looking genuinely heartbroken. 

Fuck. You kneel down in the mud with him and squish your drink in the mud off to the side and start picking bits of the glasses out of the mud and dropping them in Kanaya’s now empty plastic cup. 

“Alright, but props in movies break all of the time and they have doubles too. That means they can be fixed. It might have to be a specialist person but they can fix it. So if I just get all the bits…” you trail off and rattle the cup at him and Cute Guy somewhat reluctantly drops the frame and the semi intact lens in. The pair of you continue picking up shards of polarised glass and small screws. 

“I’m really sorry. Normally I’d be like: ‘they’re just glasses’ but they’re obviously important so I’ll make it right. If you give me your number or your pesterchum-” you start. 

“Oh, was that your plan? I’m not giving you my details!” Cute Guy snaps at you and you stare in confusion. 

“Ok, stranger danger, I’ll give you MINE. You find someone who repairs this kind of movie shit and you hit me up and tell me how much I owe you and I’ll find… I’ll find some way to pay for it.” you say. You’re not sure how many extra shifts you’re going to have to pick up to do that but you will stick to your word.

Cute Guy doesn’t have a comeback for that so you’re both left picking bits of glasses up and putting them into the cup. You look up at him, at the long pale sweep of his lashes and those bright red eyes. The idea of them connects with the sunglasses and you suddenly feel even more like a jerk.

“Wait, are you albino? My brother is a little bit, he’s got red eyes and he gets headaches in bright light. Did you need these to see?” you ask suddenly and Cute Guy looks up at you and then away as if he’s not happy with you seeing his eyes. 

“I can see.” he mumbles, but you’re guessing it’s not great. 

“They sell sunglasses here too, you know. I can buy you some crappy pair that’ll keep the light out of your eyes until you get these fixed, yeah?” you offer. 

“You don’t need to.” Cute Guy shrugs. 

“No, I insist. I mean I didn’t want to be here anyway so it wasn’t like I was going to buy myself any kind of souvenir, I may as well buy you sunglasses so you can see especially as it’s my fault you can’t right now.” you tell him. 

“Why don’t you want to be here?” Cute Guy asks and takes the cup of his ruined glasses from you. 

“Oh. I don’t really like crowds and I’m kind of done with music right now. I work in a nightclub at night and hearing the same overplayed and overly loud shit all the time is enough to drive you crazy and during the day I work in a coffee shop and that’s all hipster shit and if one more guy some in with an acoustic guitar I will kill him and everyone in the building including me.” you growl. Cute Guy actually laughs and mimes holding a guitar. 

“Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.” he says sarcastically. 

“You joke but that happens.” you whine. 

“Alright, so why ARE you here?” Cute Guy asks and stands up and offers you a hand to pull you up. You take it because hell yes cute guy.

“My… friend is super into this band and she didn’t want to come alone.” you answer, you nearly say roommate but that sounds less like you’re close and more like you just live together which isn’t accurate. 

“Ohh, and you’re hoping she’ll be more than your friend, huh?” Cute Guy asks. 

“We are both far too gay for that.” you say out of reflex and then immediately regret outing yourself and Kanaya to a stranger. 

“I think I just heard all of womankind cry out in disappointment at the loss of you.” Cute Guy says with a sly smile. Holy shit, is he flirting with you?

“Well, you could tell mankind to be more fucking grateful that I’m interested because it’s not working out great so far.” you complain. 

“Hah. I shall pass on the message.” Cute Guy drawls and you watch him as he fiddles with his tongue piercing between his teeth. Here’s the thing, they’re not JUST for blowjobs, plenty of people like body mods and then there’s the entire punk thing. Only this guy doesn’t look punk and he doesn’t have any other piercings that you can see so maybe you’re just being hopeful but fuck you hope that’s a sex thing, a sex thing that indicates that he might be interested in you. 

You think your brain might have stopped working. 

“So she likes this band,” you forge on trying to pretend that your mind didn’t break, “or one of the people in it. She’s not some weird stalker fan but she has a crush and she just wanted to see her in person once.” 

“What’s the band?” Cute Guy asks. 

“Uh. Ironic? But spelled wrong for stupid reasons I think.” you say with a frown. 

“With a K, for ironic reasons.” Cute Guy nods. 

“Sure.” you say, rolling your eyes. 

“So who does she like? The violin player, the bassist or the drummer?” Cute Guy asks with interest.

“Shit, I didn’t even know there were that many girls in the band. I know fucking nothing about the band aside from the violinist is Rose Lalonde and apparently the most beautiful, talented and perfect woman to walk the Earth. Or so I’ve been told.” you tell him. 

Cute Guy seems to be getting a kick out of this and there’s only so much you want to show your ignorance about music and you realise that you’ve not actually given him your information so you pat yourself down and find a receipt and a pen to write down your name and chumhandle. 

“Do you like their music?” Cute Guy asks you. 

“Uh, they’re alright. Better than the stuff I hear at work for sure but I don’t really listen to it, I’m usually doing something else and Kanaya just has it on in the background. We live together so I know the words to maybe a few and could hum some more but… can you read that?” you trail off and flip your note around to him. 

“Karkat Vantas, carcinoGeneticist. That sounds more like a job than a handle but ok, hi Karkat, pleased to meet you.” Cute Guy says and flashes you a smile as he pockets your note. 

“I don’t think you were.” you say and tap the cup of his ruined glasses. 

“I can change my mind.” Cute Guy says. You really hope you’re not smiling like a moron at having Cute Guy most likely flirting with you. He knows you’re into guys so… so he might be doing that, right? He also knows about Kanaya and- oh, shit. 

“Uh. About my friend, I know you’re probably not going to ever see her or whatever but she’s… I don’t know, she’s not in the closet or anything but she also doesn’t tell people and tends to let them assume whatever. So maybe don’t say or anything. Not that you’ll run into her, fuck this is stupid. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth is all.” you babble nervously. 

“It’s cool, I know people can be shitty. I mean between me and the rest of my family we’re the whole LGBT-everything acronym, all the letters. And it’s not like I have a problem with it either, I’m happy with whatever I find in anyone’s pants.” Cute Guy says with an easy shrug. 

“Ugh, I hate that line.” you grumble.

“What?” Cute Guy asks. 

“The pants thing. It’s not like what’s in anyone’s pants tells you anything about- oh fuck I sound like my brother. Lecturing strangers about not being problematic about trans shit.” you groan, covering your face with your hands which is a big mistake as you still have mud on you and now you’re stuck wiping it off with your sleeves. 

“I get it. But saying that I’m happy no matter what anyone has in their pants and that I don’t make assumptions about who they are from that but oh boy I’m really pleased someone likes me that much is kinda wordier, you know?” Cute Guy points out and smiles. Oh shit, he has dimples, you are going to die. 

“Somehow I don’t think that’s a problem for you.” you mumble into the fabric of your shirt as you wipe your face. 

“Did you just call me slutty or hot? I’m not sure which.” Cute Guy asks. 

“You say that like they’re mutually exclusive.” you reply, like a moron. 

Cute Guy just grins at you like he thinks that you’re funny instead of being an asshole and your insides fizz to see it. You really want to keep talking to him but there’s only so long you can stand here. 

“Come on, let me get you some sunglasses.” you say and walk off. 

“You really don’t have to.” he tells you, rushing to catch up. 

“I do. I’m not going to be the kind of asshole who ruins someone’s day and doesn’t try to make amends.” you inform him curtly and head towards the stalls selling all kinds of overpriced things. Cute Guy doesn’t seem to have a counter to that so he just walks with you. 

“So, Karkat of nightclub and coffee shop are you also a student?” he asks curiously. 

“Used to be. I graduated and continue to be fucking broke.” you sigh as you walk past a shop selling large oversized hats. 

“But you’re offering to pay to fix my expensive shades and buy me temporary ones, that’s not cheap.” Cute Guy says. 

“I own up to my stupid mistakes, maybe that’ll teach me to watch where I’m going. I should probably get you a new shirt too. I’ll just work more shifts, I don’t need to sleep.” you tell him semi seriously. 

“Don’t worry about it man, you don’t even need to do this.” he tells you but you shake your head. 

“Alright, well, what did you study when you were a student then?” he asks. 

“Film.” you answer and glare at yet another stall for not selling sunglasses. 

“You want to make movies? I wanted to do that once.” Cute Guy says, sounding genuinely excited. 

“I’m more of a critic than a creator, I have a film review blog that no one reads. I was going to do video reviews but I still need to save for a camera.” you answer and eye his broken shades, yeah it’ll be a while longer before you do that. 

“How come you’re not doing film then if you liked it?” you ask him and move on. 

“Other interests came up.” Cute Guy answers vaguely. That’s fair enough, though. 

“So does movie criticism pull in all the hot guys? Are you, like, drowning in dudely attention or are you already staked out by your number one fan or-” he asks hurriedly. 

“It brings in no one. I am painfully and embarrassingly single. I- I’ve never even dated a guy. My last relationship was years ago and it ended so badly we both went off the opposite sex for ever.” you complain. 

“Ouch. But, hey, maybe she was like ‘oh no even this top tier guy isn’t right, only the ladies for me now’ and same for you.” he says cheerfully. 

Top tier guy? You? That’s…

“Are you flirting with me?” you ask without thinking. 

“Is it working?” Cute Guy asks with a slow smile that sends your heart into overdrive. You can feel that ugly blotchy red blush blooming on your cheeks and it only gets worse when you can track how his red eyes flick over your frankly unappealing lumpy body. Desperately you look around and your eyes latch on something. 

“Sunglasses!” you blurt out and drag him off. You shove him in front of a stall selling sunglasses and he immediately picks up a hideous pair. They’re neon pink hearts of pure plastic and he turns to you with a shit eating grin and waggles his eyebrows at you. 

“Stop doing that with your face, you should be illegal. Take them off.” you scold him. How dare he still look attractive when he’s wearing those. Cute Guy pouts but does take them off. That pout should be illegal for sure, fuck, his lips look soft. Was he really flirting with you or was he just making fun of you?

“Can you think of a better pair for me then?” he asks and points to the rack. You run your eyes over the glasses on display and land on the worst pair. A pair covered in white glitter on the rims except the eyes are two hands flipping the world off and the lenses are set below them. They’re the worst thing you’ve ever seen. 

“These.” you tell him, picking them up and holding them out. The stall keeper doesn’t seem to be too pleased at you obviously mocking his merch. 

“Oh my god they’re terrible, I love them so much.” Cute Guy gasps and immediately puts them on his face. They look terrible. 

“Hey!” a voice yells and Cute Guy jumps. A guy with short black hair collides with him and grabs his arm. 

“Jake!” Cute Guy exclaims in surprise. 

“Don’t you ‘Jake’ me, buddy! You’re late! You’re the worst with time and you’re- what the devil happened to you? You’re a mess and- oh forget this we don’t have time, come on!” the guy insists and physically drags Cute Guy away. 

“Later Karkat!” he yells over his shoulder and disappears into the crowd. 

“You’re paying for those.” the stall keeper says flatly. Great. 

Your phone rings and you curse, answering it as you hand over money to the seller for the glasses. 

“Karkat?” Kanaya asks down the phone. 

“Kanaya! Sorry I got caught up, it’s a long story. Where are you now I’ll go there.” you apologise and walk off from the stall, lighter in cash. 

“I am at the main stage at the front where we said we would meet but you have been gone a long time for drinks and Ironik are supposed to be on soon.” Kanaya says. You pull your phone away from your ear to check the time and grimace, it is getting close. You pick up your speed to the main stage. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I literally ran into this cute guy and poured your drink all over him AND broke his expensive glasses. Thankfully he didn’t punch me in the face and I gave him my chumhandle so he can tell me how much it was when he gets them fixed.” you say, jogging along. You can see the stage now, you just need to work around so you can get to the front which will take time. 

“Oh no that sounds dramatic.” Kanaya says. 

“He was actually really nice and I didn’t even get his name. Fuck, he was so hot too, you don’t even know.” you whine. A guy in the crowd recoils from you and you flip him off as you elbow past him. 

“I do not even.” Kanaya agrees deadpan. 

“Oh! I see you!” you gasp as you continue to bulldoze through people who definitely don’t like you doing that but you absolutely do not care. Kanaya turns around to see you and she waves at you. You hang up and squirm through the crowd until you’re close enough to touch and she reaches out and actually pulls you over a very startled looking guy and drops you on the floor by her. 

“My hero.” you gasp, still out of breath. 

“You are lucky that they have not started yet, they are actually late starting.” she warns you and you settle into place next to her leaning on the front railing by the stage. You can see that you’re between the electric violin in its stand and the microphone in the middle of the stage. There are guitars around the place and other instruments already set up waiting for the band. 

“Lucky me.” you agree. 

“Do I look okay? I am actually nervous which is absurd she is not even going to see me let alone care how I look. But do I look ok?” Kanaya asks and you look her up and down in her floaty green and black festival dress that is conspicuously clean and perfect compared to everyone else. 

“You’re gorgeous.” you assure her. 

“You have mud on your face.” she says and licks her thumb to rub it off. 

“I talked to the hottest guy I’ve ever seen and I had mud on my face still, great. This is my life. Couldn’t be worse.” you whine. 

Around you the crowd starts to scream and Kanaya grips your arm tight as Rose Lalonde sweeps onto the stage talking to a girl with long black hair, behind them you see a girl climbing behind the drum kit. Shit you really didn’t know much about this band. A guy appears behind a stack of complicated equipment and you know enough about the band to know that they have a DJ guy doing their editing shit live, it’s a weird enough thing that you know that but you know nothing more about him. There’s two more at the back slightly out of sight seeming to argue about something but they suddenly walk on stage. 

Your blood goes cold. 

Cute Guy is there, up on stage still talking to another guy with glasses. You watch as he leaves him at the keyboard and saunters up to the mic. He’s still wearing the sunglasses you bought him and the shirt with the purple stain down the front.

“Kanaya, that’s the guy. That’s the guy I was telling you about.” you say in terror. The audience around you is screaming as he takes his hat off and ruffles his hand through his hair and then turns to throw the hat at the blonde guy behind the DJ equipment who dodges it easily. 

“That’s Dave Strider! He’s the lead singer of my favourite band how could you not recognise him?!” Kanaya hisses at you. 

“I’m apparently bad with faces and remembering things also he’s distractingly pretty up close!” you whisper back angrily. 

“Is that my drink down his shirt?” Kanaya asks in horror. 

“Yes.” you whine. 

“Sorry we’re late,” Cute Guy, no, Dave says. You see him see you and the way his smile quirks. If you could be swallowed up by the ground now that’d be great. 

“I had a thing.” he adds unhelpfully and grabs the hem of his formerly white shirt and pulls it up. Women in the audience cheer and your jaw goes slack. Of course he’s hot shirtless but he’s tattooed all over too. There’s an orange bird flying up around his ribs on one side and you can’t quite see from this angle but you think there’s pink and purple watercolour cats up the other. His whole chest in the middle is covered with red and black clockwork that cover so much toned skin. But not so covered that you can’t pick out two distinctive surgical scars on his chest, he did say that he and his siblings were the whole acronym so you suppose he holds down the B and the T there. You’re also remembering that you tried lecturing HIM about that and your wish for a swift death increases. 

When he pulls his shirt fully off you see that his new glasses have snapped and he pulls them off with obvious frustration. 

“Legendary piece of shit.” you hear him complain just close enough to the mic to hear and tosses them off to the side. His eyes land on you again and he pauses and turns to his bandmates. Something he’s saying must be curious because you watch Rose’s expression morph into something intrigued but the rest of the members all nod or shrug. Rose throws him a tambourine and picks up a guitar instead, a black one that’s set in between them. 

“Dirk, she’s stealing my guitar again make her stop.” Dave says into the mic and glances at the guy behind the DJ kit who visibly yawns. 

“You fuck. Alright we, uh, don’t usually play this one at shows any more or open with it either because it doesn’t really fit anymore but- but yeah kinda relevant today it seems. Also hi thanks for coming or whatever.” Dave says. 

He leans in to the microphone and you watch him count down silently, the others must be doing it too because everyone launches into playing at the same time. The audience reacts and several of them start singing along as Dave starts. 

“Where my haters, where my haters?  
I don't got 'em, I'm not famous, no  
It don't matter what my name is  
I don't got one, I'm not famous, no  
And I don't hate it, no.” he sings. 

“I’m going to die.” you say to Kanaya who is paying zero attention. You jump when Dave’s attention visibly lands on you and he smiles in a smug shit-eating kind of way. 

“You've never heard of me  
Or the weird shit I do and say  
That's my favorite thing  
That I'm not famous, no  
And I'm never on TV  
Throwing up on an LA street  
Nobody judges me  
'Cause I'm not famous, no.” he sings. 

That fuck, he knew you didn’t know him and now he’s mocking you? Fuck it, you’re going to kill him probably if you don’t die of humiliation. They go through this whole song about how he’s supposedly not famous despite being a headline act of this whole festival with hundreds if not thousands of people packing in tight to scream his lyrics back at him. Was he really just laughing at you the whole time? And fuck he could probably have paid to get his glasses fixed himself but he let you offer to fix them. 

After that song he gets his guitar back from Rose who you now remember Kanaya telling you is his sister, who then picks her violin up once more. 

“The planned setlist resumes,” Dave informs everyone as he leans into the mic, “and maybe now my sister won’t stab me with her violin bow in revenge.” 

“Maybe.” Rose purrs into her microphone and Kanaya makes a high pitched and undignified noise of delight.

The next song they launch into is one that you actually know. You know the words and you know the Rose Lalonde related trivia attached to it; it’s a personal song about Rose dealing with her alcohol problems and her and her twin (oh yeah they’re twins) dealing with their childhood. You can tell when the two of them play that the song carries weight for them but it’s also obviously a group affair. The others get to play more of their instruments and to your amazement the DJ guy does something so that Dave is able to do some of his own backing vocals, recording things on stage and playing them back as holograms right after thanks to some subtle and well placed smoke machines. 

So you sing along where you know the words and whether he was mocking you before or not he isn’t paying attention to you now so you can just… enjoy it. Everyone else is. You watch the tattoos on his body shift as he moves, as he takes his guitar on and off as he doesn’t always use it. He sings to everyone, excitedly leaping up onto things on the stage, but also bumps into his bandmates and sings with them. Now and then he encourages the audience to do things like sing out certain parts but it’s not the ego jerk thing you’ve seen self important DJs do at your work. 

They leave the stage but come back for one encore. Instead of Dave you find your attention on Rose as she comes back on, not least because she’s staring right at you and Kanaya. Her eyes are fluorescent purple, the unnatural kind that comes with coloured contacts and you’d bet anything that without them her eyes are identical to Dave’s. In fact all her features are a softer more feminine mirror of his, yet despite that her expression is sharp as she looks at you both. She’s not six foot from you when she picks up her violin, eyeing you and Kanaya the same time. She only stops when Dave throws a guitar pick at her. 

Stood under the alternating attention of Dave and Rose you’re not sure you could even tell someone what their last song was if your life depended on it. Either way they leave the stage after that and Kanaya turns to you with wide eyes. 

“She looked right at me. At us, at you.” Kanaya says shakily. 

“That was- yeah. Yeah she did, she’s kind of terrifying this close.” you admit. 

There’s a lull now between shows and you don’t care about whoever is on next so you and Kanaya start the slow process of slipping out of the crowd and back into the main festival grounds. Or that’s the plan anyway. You don’t anticipate someone hissing at you to get your attention.

“Psst! Karkat!” a voice comes. You pause and look around to see a chubby black haired girl with glasses on the other side of a metal fence. 

“What?” you say.

“Are you Karkat?” she asks. 

“Yeah, I am.” you nod. 

“Prove it, what’s your last name?” the girl challenges you and you scowl. 

“Vantas, what the fuck is it to you?” you demand. 

“Karkat, honestly.” Kanaya tuts. 

“Alright, that’s proof enough, you can never be too careful. Dave asked me to get you both. Or, well, no what he asked was ‘get me the cutie with the booty and his glam vampire lady friend’. I thankfully got at least one of your names. Come on, this way.” she says and marches off. 

“Cutie?” you wonder. 

“With ‘the booty’.” Kanaya adds and giggles. 

“Hush.” you tell her and you both follow the girl on the other side of the fence. She leads you to a gate where a surly looking guard lets you duck in. Behind it you’re face to face with the girl who you realise is a little older than you. 

“Hi, I’m Jane. Sorry about all that subterfuge there, we’ve just had some unscrupulous people before and these guys don’t really like to meet people if they don’t plan it. We’ve had some bad experiences, you know? But Dave asked, so.” Jane says with a shrug. 

“I’m Kanaya, it’s very nice to meet you.” Kanaya tells her. 

“Aw, shucks. Come on.” Jane says brightly, though you wonder who taught her to speak and what goddamn time period they’re from. 

Jane leads you this way and that until you’re back in a private space that’s basically a big but fancy gazebo. You stare as members of the very band you just watched sit around talking and playing cards. Rose is the one who looks up first and sees you but she’s out of her chair right away and rushing over to you, closely followed by an older girl who looks similar to her who is just as interested. 

“He is cute! That explains that!” the older one laughs, you think she was the drummer. Another girl comes up, the bassist, and nods at the drummer’s assessment. 

“No, there’s plenty of cute people out there that we see but I can’t see why Dave would be interested enough to invite you back here. No offense meant.” Rose muses.

“Wow, all of it taken. Fuck you.” you retort and the bassist crows with laughter. 

“Haha! I like him, mystery solved. Dave likes people who make him laugh.” she chuckles. 

“Doesn’t explain the song choice.” Rose says dismissively, shaking her head. 

“Oh that? I’m pretty sure he was mocking me. I didn’t know who he was and he didn’t tell me.” you say bitterly. 

“Wait, hold up, you didn’t know who Dave was?” the drummer gasps and Rose’s mouth falls open a bit and then she smiles, sly and sinister. 

“Oh. I see how it is. He’s apparently cute, he made him laugh and he didn’t know who Dave was so however he treated him wasn’t because of ‘who he is’, I get it.” Rose says, making air quotes around her words. 

“Not too often he meets people like that now, huh?” the drummer nods. 

“You mean he burnt through his supply of people who don’t care that he’s famous, aren’t related to him and are interested in him? Yeah.” the bassist snickers. 

“You and John don’t exactly make for a long list.” the drummer points out. 

“I was ten, I’m not gay and AM I JUST PLAYING CARDS BY MYSELF OR WHAT?” the keyboard player shouts from a sofa behind the others, you can see abandoned hands of cards around him. 

“Or what. Besides I don’t trust you not to have looked when we were up. But, wait I don’t actually know your names.” the bassist says. Which really you could have said to Dave earlier instead of dubbing him ‘Cute Guy’ in your head. 

“Oh! This is Karkat and this is Kanaya.” Jane introduces you. 

“Hi! Well, since you don’t know us I’m Jade, that’s my brother John. That’s Rose and her sister Roxy.” Jade introduces them, pointing at each person in turn. 

“Hi!” Roxy says, waving her fingers.

“And where are Dirk and Dave?” Kanaya asks. 

“Oh so you do know us! It’s just him that doesn’t, huh? Well they went back to the truck to get Dave a new shirt and I think Dirk was going to look at his glasses for him.” Jade says and leads you all over to the sofas, chairs and table where the card game was happening. 

“Yeah, wait are you the guy that broke them then?” John demands with a scowl. 

“It was an accident, I said I’d pay to fix them.” you say defensively. 

“Oh, he’s rotten, don’t tell me he let you agree to that? I assure you that won’t be needed but the gesture is certainly appreciated. Do you mind if I sit here, Kanaya?” Rose asks and Kanaya wide eyed scoots back towards you on the sofa so Rose can sit on the last seat of the sofa next to her. 

“I gave those to him.” John adds unhappily.

“Yeah to make fun of him.” Jade laughs, gathering up the cards in her hands. 

“I ironically gave him a stupid gift that he went all sincere about and now it’s a huge deal and I actually am upset that they’re broken.” John says with a frown. 

“So, ironically, your insincere gift was sincere?” you say as you try to work that logic out. The rest of the band members look at you and then each other only to burst out laughing. John looks annoyed but not terribly so. 

“That’s his dumb logic too. Look, can we play something already?” John says and Jade tuts. 

“Poker maybe since there’s so many of us?” she suggests. You have no real problem with that so you pick up the cards when they’re dealt to you. 

“So, what do you to do?” Rose asks coolly. Kanaya shoots you a look that begs for help and you sigh. 

Thankfully you don’t have to answer right away because to the side you hear the sound of fabric flapping and you turn your head to see the DJ (Dirk, right?) holding the flap of the gazebo open for Dave. You’re not sure if you’re relieved that Dave has a shirt on now or not, on the one hand boo you liked him shirtless but on the other you can perhaps manage whole sentences this way.

“What up bitches?” Dave calls as he comes in the tent. 

“Not much my brother from another mother.” Roxy answers and shuffles her cards around in her hand. Dirk raises an eyebrow at her and shakes his head. 

“The four of us literally have the same mother, that’s the relation we all share.” Dirk points out. 

“Father doesn’t rhyme with brother, get better family, scrub.” Roxy shoots back. 

“Oh damn, you got told. Also, hi Karkat and I assume Kanaya.” Dave greets as he walks over to you. 

“We were just discussing what they do for a living.” Rose informs him and you figure you’d better answer her, she doesn’t seem like someone to cross.

“I work at a nightclub and a coffee shop, not interesting. But ah… Kanaya here’s a fashion designer. She’s really good, she makes all her own clothes even this.” you tell Rose and gesture to Kanaya’s flawless dress. 

“Really? That’s a gorgeous dress, I’m very impressed!” Rose says and you know that you will be confirming that yes she did actually say that for possibly forever now.

“Oh, thank you so much. Yours is lovely too, I’ve… I’ve always admired your aesthetic sensibilities.” Kanaya compliments Rose quietly. 

“Is that what they’re called?” Dirk says under his breath and you consider it a fucking miracle that you don’t laugh and alert Kanaya to the fact that Dirk said it. 

“Karkat, hit or stick?” Jade prompts you and you look at your hand. 

“Hit?” you venture and Jade slides you a card. Picking it up you areeeee bust, so very very bust. 

“Wow you have a terrible poker face.” John cackles. 

“Yeah, I’m out.” you agree and set the cards down. 

“Cheating is totally encouraged in our card games just fyi.” Dave tells you. 

You look up at Dave and the way his pretty hair flutters in his face now that he’s not wearing that hat, and his pretty boy smile. You remember his first song though and the sting of it drives the fluttering from your heart. 

“Can I talk to you?” you ask, standing up and walking off. Thankfully he follows you because you’d look really stupid if he didn’t. 

“Hey.” he says smoothly when you turn to face him. 

“Were you just making fun of me up there?” you demand immediately and the smile falls from his face. 

“I didn’t know who you were which I get is stupid when my whole reason for being here was so Kanaya could see your band. But were you just making me a joke? Your friends already knew I broke your glasses, or that someone did anyway. Is that it?” you ask and Dave’s expression shifts to wide eyed alarm. 

“What? No! It was meant to be- ah, shit. I meant like, I used to like not being famous because I could go wherever and not have people be fake with me but that doesn’t happen much anymore and people always have this idea of what I’m like because they know about that one time I barfed on Michael Jordan’s shoes.” Dave explains hurriedly. 

“Well now I know about that.” you tell him and Dave goes bright red. 

“That was an example that may or may not be theoretical and also I was very nervous give me a break. But like… but you didn’t know me and yeah it was kinda funny but I knew you weren’t acting nice because you knew who I was. You weren’t faking not knowing me, I saw how you looked when I got on stage. You offered to pay for my shades because they’re important to me not cause I’m ‘important’ or whatever. It was meant to be all- ah, fuck I didn’t think it was gonna seem like that.” he says unhappily. 

“So: not mean, just stupid.” you clarify. 

“Hey, you do know me!” Dave says brightly. 

You relax a little, knowing that he wasn’t mocking you on stage in front of so many people is reassuring. You cast your eye over to Kanaya and Rose who seem to have dropped out of the poker game to talk to each other. She’s fine she doesn’t need your help. 

“I hope it’s ok inviting you back here, I know I had your details but… well, since you were going back to your friend without her drink I figured maybe you could get in her good books by introducing her to her celeb crush or whatever.” Dave says quietly, looking over at the girls too. 

“Yeah, I’m going to get a lot of mileage out of that.” you agree. 

“If it’s any indication Rose is, like, history’s second biggest lesbian after Sappho and she seems really into your friend. She’s being all sophisticated and debonair see? Trying to act like she doesn’t think your friend’s a hottie which she absolutely is, like damn son.” Dave says approvingly. 

“That’s… good to hear, if not slightly too much information about how hot you think my friend is.” you say slowly. 

“Well you clearly both have very good taste in hot friends.” Dave says, staring ahead at his friends and not at you. All the same you can see redness creeping up his neck. So he’s not flirting with you to make fun of you, or he wasn’t then anyway. Which means the most attractive guy you’ve ever talked to is actually flirting with you. 

Shit, Vantas, think of something to say! Flirt back for goodness sake!

“I like your chest. Tattoos, I mean. Not that I didn’t like your- I- fuck. Hey I heard you have a truck can you just run me over with it now please?” you beg, your face in your hands. 

“No way. Also you can look at them whenever just, you know, throwing that out there.” Dave offers. 

“Also, side note since I’m already mortified I’m just going to say that I can’t believe that I tried to lecture YOU on not assuming shit about…” you wave your hand at him vaguely. Actually you don’t want to finish that sentence and end up speculating about just what the guy does have in his pants because that is beyond rude and also creepy of you given that you just met him. 

“That uh, actually counted in your favour a little I think? You didn’t know me, I coulda been an asshole who would have punched you in the face for that but you still stepped up. You did it kinda badly and definitely to the wrong guy. You confused but you got the spirit.” Dave nods. 

“Did you just misquote Will Smith at me? I love Will Smith.” you tell him excitedly. 

“Said the film critic?” Dave asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Wow, fuck you Mr. Not So Famous, he’s an excellent actor and you can fight me if you say otherwise.” you snap at him. 

“Wonderful, who the hell are you?” a deep voice demands from behind you. You jump and turn around to see, uh, Dave but older? Dave but not sleeping enough and wearing a t-shirt that has a suit printed on it and an expression that suggests if the culmination of your interaction with him doesn’t end in him getting coffee he might stab you. You see that a lot at work. 

“Uh.” you say intelligently. 

“I show up and you’ve let some guy in threatening to fight you? Do I need to call security?” the adult guy says. 

“Oh yeah, me and Janey totally just let rabid fans back here. That’s how dumb I am.” Roxy scoffs. 

“Don’t worry about it bro, they’re cool.” Dirk agrees. 

“Yes, Dave invited them.” Rose says with a sneaky smile. 

“Uh-huh and they’re all getting on so well.” Roxy agrees, waggling her eyebrows at you. 

“You put those down!” you demand but Roxy just laughs. 

“Yeah, chill uncle-dad.” Dave says though you’ve no idea what kind of name that is. 

“Don’t call me thaaaaat.” the guy says, suddenly childish and petulant. It’s jarring but he seems even more like Dave now. He even has similar shades to Dave, or at least before you stepped on his. Seemingly disregarding you as an actual threat he shuffles past the band and to a table of food that you’d not spotted earlier. 

“Sorry about him, he’s our manager. And uh, my uncle-dad.” Dave explains. 

“This explains nothing.” you point out. 

“Okay so me an’ Rose, we’re sort of adopted. Well, actually adopted all legal and shit but he’s related to me anyway. So he met my mom and boned her, see Dirk and Roxy, and then she was all ‘nah you can bounce you ho and take yo kids’. So he did, and then she was all ‘well shit but I am still all about that Strider D’ and then went and boned his younger brother. That guy is my father and he’s, uh, bad. Which wasn’t great when my mom had us and went actually no I would like to return these and gave us back to him. So flash forwarding for reasons I’m not going into that guy over there, my uncle, decides that his psycho younger brother shouldn’t have children and ollies out with us when we were like eleven. But cause he adopted us he’s my dad but you may be able to tell that he’s not a very dadly guy so Dad is out as a name and uncle-dad is cool but it pisses him off so we just drop the ‘ad’ and he’s just D. So, yeah, D.” Dave rambles and gestures to D. 

“I’m adopted too, it’s not weird.” you tell him. 

“Oh, that’s good. I mean- wait not good that you needed to be, not that it’s bad, it’s not bad for everyone and having parents now is great please stop me talking.” Dave pleads. 

“It’s fine, don’t remember my quote un-quote real parents anyway. Slick’s fine as parent, by which I mean he’s terrible but in all the good ways. He is… unconventional.” you say. You don’t mention you know he’s the head of a gang of notorious criminals or that he once stabbed you by mistake because you happened to run into him on a job and he didn’t know it was you until it was too late. You were fine, what’s a little accidental stabbing anyway?

You take the chance to look across at the group and see that Dirk is now in the lap of the guy who picked Dave up from you to get him on stage. You suppose Dave did say that he had the whole rainbow in his family, and you already know about Rose. Speaking of Kanaya seems a lot more confident with her now and you think they’re actually hitting it off. 

“So… I uh have this.” Dave says and pulls a receipt out of his pocket, the one that as he turns it you can see has your information on the back. 

“I’m not intending on making you pay for my shades, that’s not cool. So if you’d known that you might not have given me this so do you want it back or can I keep it? You can stay either way, it’s your choice, I just don’t want to con a guy out of his details.” Dave says, holding out the slip of paper. 

That’s… that’s really nice of him actually. 

“You can keep it IF I get yours too, and I won’t share it before you feel the sensible urge to ask.” you tell him. 

Dave looks at you and then smiles. He pulls his phone out quickly and opens up pesterchum and quickly adds you as a friend and shoots you a message right away. Now you have his information too. 

“So I could culture you in music if you like, I’ve got VIP entry to everyone else playing. Can get up close or somewhere out of the way if you want to watch without all the people.” he offers and now that you’re listening for it and sort of believing it you can hear the hope in his tone too. Like he really wants you to say yes. And it’s kind of dumb, you don’t know all that much about him but you’ve got a chance to find some of it out at least. 

“That could be fun.” you agree.

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and honestly, you didn’t even want to be here. But this festival has got surprisingly better lately. You have discovered a wide variety of new things including HOT MUSICIANS, OVERLY VALUABLE SUNGLASSES, YOUR BEST FRIEND’S CELEBRITY CRUSH, and of course LOUD MUSIC. Naturally you have every intention of enjoying this whole weekend and to make matters better this cute musician has just made your day.


	2. Chapter 2

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]   
  
TG: hey so i just checked the time and i know that youre probably at work but i just wanted to let you know that were all checked in and this free hotel wifi is all mine   
TG: so hit me up when youre on   
-turntechGodhead is an idle chum-   
CG: I JUST SNAGGED A BREAK AT WORK, I THINK I’VE ONLY GOT ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF LEFT ANYWAY AND THEN I CAN PROPERLY TALK TO YOU.   
TG: oh awesome   
TG: is this weird   
TG: we saw each other last week and then you had to go back so i didnt get to talk to you much and then i was so busy with my next show that we didnt get much time but now we actually are hanging out   
TG: online i mean not in person because youre all the way in the big apple and im so very far away   
CG: DON’T CALL IT THAT.   
CG: ALSO WHERE ARE YOU?   
TG: wait do you not know where i am   
CG: NO. I’M MAKING IT A POINT TO NOT INTERACT WITH YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA OR ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR BAND EITHER, I’M NOT GOOGLING YOU OR ANYTHING. I WANT TO FIND THINGS OUT ABOUT YOU FROM TALKING TO YOU.   
CG: OR FROM YOUR SISTER SPILLING THINGS TO KANAYA AND HER GOSSIPING WITH ME. THE NORMAL WAY YOU FIND THINGS OUT ABOUT EACH OTHER.   
TG: oh shit i didnt realise this was a rule   
CG: WHY HAVE YOU ALREADY FOUND OUT WHO I AM?   
TG: haha no i didnt think to but not because i thought it was like ungentlemanly or something   
CG: GOOD.   
TG: what would it say if i did huh    
TG: karkat vantas new yorks cutest   
CG: YES THAT EXACT THING. IT IS EMBLAZONED UPON BILLBOARDS EVERYWHERE HERE WITH MY FACE. PEOPLE CLOSE THEIR EYES IN HORROR FROM LOOKING AT IT. THOUSANDS HAVE DIED IN THE CAR ACCIDENTS CAUSED BY IT.   
TG: scandal   
CG: UGH I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK ONE OF THE NEW HIRES IS FREAKING OUT SO I HAVE TO GO YELL AT THE ASS WHO’S UPSETTING HER.   
TG: get em babe i got yo flower   
CG: YOU’RE ABSURD.    
-carcinoGeneticist is an idle chum-   
TG: in a good way right   
-turntechGodhead is an idle chum-   


You sigh and drop your phone on the mattress. Being optimistic you’ll get to talk to Karkat again in an hour and a half but he may well not have signal if his journey home requires the subway which you don’t know if it does so you’re probably looking at close to two hours. Two hours is FAR too long and this crush is kicking your ass. 

“Karkat working?” Rose asks airily as she types away on her own phone because HER crush works for herself and can message Rose and work at the same time, you’re so stupidly jealous of that. 

“It’ll be like an hour and a half til he gets off then he’s gotta go home and I don’t know how long that’ll take because I don’t know that. Also I can’t google him, not that I think I can just google him and find out where he lives. That’d be worrying if you could.” you say flopping over and dangling your head off of the bed. 

“He lives with Kanaya.” Rose says and you lift your head up to look at her. 

“I didn’t know that, I thought they were just friends.” you say in surprise and Rose’s face twists a little at the weird implications of your words. 

“They are, they’re just also roommates.” Rose corrects you. 

“And they were roommates.” you quote. Rose throws a pillow at you and you fall off the bed trying to dodge it, not that you manage to so both your dignity and your butt are bruised. 

This isn’t fair. You need to be more famous so you don’t have to share a room when you go on tour to keep costs down. Though this does beat everyone sleeping in the truck, you don’t miss those days.

“Interestingly Kanaya also asked that I not google them. I suppose one of them must have had a bad experience before, someone facebook stalking them and then going on a date and knowing far too much or something.” Rose muses. 

“Are you actually dating Kanaya yet?” you ask curiously as you peek over the edge of the bed. 

“We’re still getting to know each other first.” Rose says perfectly neutral, her face composed. She’s such a chickenshit coward! Like Kanaya would ever say anything but yes, you SAW them together!

“And how are you and Karkat?” Rose asks swiftly before you can deliver your mockery. 

“We’re… friends.” you admit. You didn’t actually ask him out before and you’d just sort of proceeded with the flirting like you were going out or something and then the longer you stayed like that the weirder it would have been to have just asked. Basically your plan is either he asks you or you keep escalating until there’s no way you’re not dating and then you get to die old with him in a home you own together with a white picket fence and 2.5 children without ever actually asking him out. You also need to work out how you have half a child but that’s a problem for later. Other than that detail your plan is FLAWLESS. 

Everyone else in your family got the cunning scheming genes instead of you. Actually, no, wait. Only the women in your family have the cunning scheming genes, the men are all morons. Dirk just acts like he’s smart and scheming and then Roxy or Rose floats by like ‘why not do this obvious thing’ and you see him grimace like ‘yes I definitely already thought of that for sure not lying at all’. 

“Do you think this can work? Even if we do ask them out?” you ask quietly as you climb back on the bed. 

“Which part do you think is the problem? The long distance thing or the fame thing?” Rose asks.

“...Yes.” you say. 

“Let’s go get dinner.” Rose says instead of answering. 

The process of going out to eat, picking somewhere to go and getting everyone there as you all find a booth big enough for you all takes up enough time that the time until Karkat’s shift ends flies by. You’re waiting for your food when you phone pings with the pesterchum alert.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]   
  
CG: THE WORST RIDE HOME I HAVE HAD IN FOREVER.   
TG: aw babe it cant be that bad what happened   
CG: NO SEATS ON THE TRAIN ON THE WAY BACK, MY BUS THAT I CONNECTED TO WAS CANCELLED. I KNOW I SHOULD DRIVE TO WORK BUT SOMETIMES PEOPLE BUY US DRINKS AND I DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE.   
TG: a responsible and good citizen    
CG: RIGHT SO PUBLIC TRANSPORT IS WHAT I’M LEFT WITH. SO I’M WALKING BACK NOW BECAUSE THE CANCELLED BUS THAT I MENTIONED ALREADY, STILL NOT HOME YET.   
TG: is it raining too or something   
CG: DON’T SAY THAT YOU’LL JINX ME.   
CG: NO SOME FUCKING NOBODY TRIED TO MUG ME! AND WITH SOME FUCKING KITCHEN KNIFE OF ALL THINGS TOO.   
TG: oh my god are you okay?!   
CG: WHAT? OH, I’M FINE. IT’S JUST THE NERVE OF IT YOU KNOW? LIKE REALLY? *REALLY* YOU’RE DOING THIS?   
TG: do you have insurance for your stuff did he just want money or what   
CG: HE DIDN’T GET MY STUFF. I SAID HE *TRIED* TO MUG ME.   
CG: THOUGH HE MAY AS WELL HAVE TAKEN THIS SWEATER BECAUSE UNLESS KANAYA CAN WORK MIRACLES THAT’S DEFINITELY GOING TO STAIN, I MEAN THE STAB HOLE IN IT SHE CAN PROBABLY REPAIR BUT I DON’T KNOW. SHE’S THE SEWING WIZARD NOT ME.   
TG: karkat   
TG: karkat have you been stabbed   
CG: OH YEAH NO IT’S MY BLOOD NOT HIS ON MY SWEATER.   


You scramble out of the booth and dial Karkat’s number, holding it desperately to your ear. 

“Dave?” Karkat answers, he sounds confused. He’s probably in shock. 

“Karkat! Talk to me, tell me how you are. How bad is it? I’ll get Rose to call Kanaya to get you an ambulance where are you?” you say in a rush and Rose perks up in alarm at your words. 

“What? No, don’t do that. I’m fine. It’s not that bad he just nicked me is all, the bleeding’s stopped on my chest I think and it’s just a little oozing at my wrist when I move it, really it’s a bandaid kind of level of bad.” he assures you and in the background you can hear a crosswalk beeping. But despite his words you’re panicking and it’s not stopping, your adrenal system knows how to do fear and when it gets going it just assumes max settings. 

“Are you really panicked about this? I wouldn’t have said anything if I knew you’d be upset, it was just annoying.” Karkat says in your ear like it’s nothing that he’s been stabbed.

“No! I want you to tell me if you’ve been stabbed!” you insist and now you have the attention of the whole table and Rose is hurriedly texting, you assume she’s trying to get hold of Kanaya.

“It’s really not that bad.” he says again. 

“I don’t know that, I can’t see it!” you say desperately. 

There’s a pause and then a quiet laugh and a shuffle as the phone seems to be held a little closer.

“Dave,” Karkat says softly right in your ear and yeah he has moved the phone closer, “are you trying to get a photo of me shirtless?” 

“I wasn’t but- trade.” stumbles out of your mouth before you can think. Karkat laughs brightly in your ear and he does sound fine you have to admit. 

You hear a jingling and a grunt and footsteps on stairs. 

“Are you nearly home?” you ask. 

“I’m at my front-”

“Karkat? I hear you’ve been stabbed.” Kanaya’s quiet voice interrupts Karkat. 

“You told Kanaya?” Karkat demands in a huff. 

“Rose.” is all you manage to say. 

“Let me see. Oh, give me that sweater I might be able to save it.” Kanaya sighs. You hear the door shut, a curse or twenty, the ruffle of fabric over a microphone. 

“Oh you’re fine, what were you worried about?” she asks. 

“I wasn’t worried!” he argues back. 

“Well, thanks, I’ve had half my clothes stolen now to get the blood out of them and I only just got through the door first. I’m fine, really.” Karkat says to you. 

“She says he’s fine, Dave. Come sit down.” Rose calls you and you turn to see everyone watching you and your food is on the table now. 

“I’ll call you later. Send me a picture, show me it isn’t bad.” you insist and hang up. 

You drop into your seat next to Rose and stare down at your burger and fries without appetite. Your hands are tingling as you rub them on your jeans to get rid of the feeling. Your whole flight system is banging like mad and Rose has to slip her arm around the back of your neck and hold onto you for a bit before you come back down. 

You manage to eat and though it all passes and your family move on, not wanting the focus to be on you, you still don’t enjoy yourself. You head back to your room early.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]   
  
TG: are you really ok   
CG: WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?   
TG: in my hotel room   
TG: why   
CG: ON YOUR OWN? CAN I CALL?   
TG: oh   
TG: yeah   
  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

You’re expecting a phonecall but it’s a video chat, you answer of course and see Karkat sat on his bed with a tshirt on, it’s grey with a black spade in the middle. You can just make out the word club at the top so maybe it’s from his work or something. 

“I’m really fine, if I’d have known you’d freak out I wouldn’t have said anything. It was just annoying.” Karkat insists. 

“No! I want to know when things happen to you, especially if you get mugged! You said the guy had a kitchen knife, you could kill someone with one of those!” you say desperately. 

“I know you can but I was fine. Look, just a little scratch here. Observe my stupid bandaid that was all we had in the house.” Karkat says and holds up his wrist to show you a twilight themed bandaid vertically up the edge of the inside of his wrist. 

You do the mental math in your head. 

“Did- did you catch the knife?” you say in disbelief.

“His hand, the knife was just wide enough to graze me there is all.” Karkat shrugs. 

“What about your chest?” you ask urgently. 

Karkat pauses and bites his plush bottom lip for a second before letting go with a sigh. The phone drops suddenly and you see the ceiling and hear fabric shift and the squeak of bedsprings before the phone view shifts again and you’re close up to Karkat’s face. 

“I want to say in advance that I don’t usually do this but you’re obviously worried so…” Karkat says and the view pans out to shirtless Karkat with another twilight bandaid stuck to his chest a little above one pectoral. 

“Literally it was just like… that big?” Karkat says, his nail running over the badly printed image of Edward’s face stuck to his chest to indicate a relatively small cut. 

“Shallow?” you ask. 

“I take my shirt off for you and you call me shallow, how could you?” Karkat teases a little weakly but it makes you laugh slightly and that really does make him smile. 

“I said I’m fine.” he repeats again and you sigh, your shoulders slumping. He really is ok. 

You’re still a little buzzy from the adrenaline so now you’re not panicking but you are still looking at Karkat shirtless. 

“You have a tattoo.” you say dumbly. He does too, a spade right atop where his heart is. 

“Oh, yeah. I don’t really think about it. It’s old and not like your ones.” Karkat shrugs like it’s nothing. It’s not nothing, you like this. You’d take a screenshot if that wouldn’t be super fucking creepy and shit. 

“I am sorry for scaring you, you know.” he says again quickly with a frown. 

“It’s not your fault, it’s me.” you shrug and Karkat gives you a curious and confused head tilt at that. 

Oh lord you’re going to have to explain shit. 

“I… told you about my biological father. How D adopted us instead because his brother wasn’t fit to raise a houseplant let alone kids.” you say and Karkat nods. 

“I have. Uh. Issues. About blood and… getting- and injuries should we say? Yeah. For… reasons.” you manage to mangle out as an explanation. 

Karkat looks puzzled for a moment then horrified understanding dawns on his face, a quick flash of denial appears only to be chased by blistering anger that gets quickly squashed for polite calm. It’s quite the face journey. He’s so expressive, you like that about him. It’s so much better than the alternative. 

“I’m really sorry about that, I didn’t know.” Karkat says with diplomacy and grace. 

“You couldn’t have. It’s not public knowledge.” you tell him, hoping the unspoken ‘and keep it that way’ gets across. 

“Not public- does that mean he’s not in jail? You have a restraining order or something at least right? I mean I know it’s not my business but…” Karkat is wide eyed and shocked.

“D tells him to stay away. He usually does.” you shrug. He usually does, not always, you’re always keeping an eye out for him showing up. You always will. 

Karkat’s mouth is hanging open slightly but he closes it with a sharp click and something burning in his eyes. 

“Okay.” he says simply. 

“Sorry the whole deep confession and shirtless phonecall is a little deep for a guy I’m not even dating yet.” you laugh shakily. 

“Yet?” Karkat asks with a smile building.

Oh. Oh shit you said that aloud. 

“I’m sorry, shit, I ran my mouth I didn’t mean to assume that-” you start in a hurry.

“How about you wait until you’re not coming down from some fear high before you get into that. But if you wanted to wait and ask me later I would be inclined to say yes.” Karkat says smoothly even if he looks a bit nervous to be saying it. 

You’re a little worried your smile is going from genuinely happy to deranged hyena but you can’t help it. 

“So does that mean I should or shouldn’t take my shirt off too?” you say because fuck it why not?

“I am VERY glad I closed my bedroom door! But I don’t really do this so I don’t know how this goes but, uh, I would be fine with that. Not fine, who says fine? Why am I talking, why is no one stopping me? This is hell, I’m in hell.” Karkat blurts out, his cheeks getting darker and darker as he talks. 

You giggle in a way you’d hotly deny if asked and struggle out of your shirt without putting the phone down. 

Needless to say you’re glad that Rose stayed out with Roxy and Jade for a good while before coming back to your room. And, uh, you might not be dating Karkat yet but… well, yet is the key word there isn’t it?


	3. Chapter 3

“I should go, I’m nearly at my parents place.” you say into the phone softly. You don’t really want to hang up but you have to. 

“It’s nice you’re going over for her birthday, I don’t think any of us ever were around for any of our mom’s birthdays. I guess she was always elsewhere?” Dave says thoughtfully and you ache for him a little.

You walk to the front door of the building, present bag dangling from one arm with your phone in that hand and your other fishing your keys from your pocket. The doorman opens the door for you with a professional nod. 

“Thanks, Mike.” you tell him sincerely and he smiles at you. You make a point to remember names, your parents have always been very firm on being decent to people. Respect is important. 

“Who’s Mike?” Dave asks, you guess he heard. 

“The doorman at my parents building.” you explain, stepping into the elevator. You jab at the top floor button and the doors slide shut. 

“Your parents live in central Manhattan in a building with a doorman?” Dave asks in shock. 

“Penthouse.” the elevator announces helpfully.

“IN THE PENTHOUSE?” Dave adds loudly. 

“Yes, ok? Yes.” you hiss, stepping out. 

“Karkat are you like a millionaire? Is that why you didn’t want me googling you? Wait why do you work two shitty jobs if you’re a millionaire?” Dave asks. 

You press your hand to your face and nearly key yourself in the eye in the process. How do you explain to him that your parents aren’t millionaires? That they passed that mark a good long while back and that if you added up all their assets you’re looking at something with more of a B than an M at the start? How do you explain how they got that?

“I’m not rich, I don’t take their money. I earn my own. I want nothing to do with their whole thing, well my dad’s whole thing. My ma’s a nurse, she’s fine. I just don’t want any of that and it’s complicated and I didn’t know what to say, ok?” you say quietly. 

“I… guess it makes us even, right? You could be interested in me for my fame and I could be interested in you for your money. We’re both kind of taking a leap of faith or whatever.” Dave says after a moment. 

“Yeah.” you say with a whispered nod. 

Your parents door clicks open and Kankri is in the door, you flip him off as a matter of course. 

“I gotta go, my brother’s here and he’s just the worst.” you say and Kankri rolls his eyes.

“Who are you talking to?” Kankri asks sharply. 

“Ok, talk to you later, yeah?” Dave tells you. 

“Of course. Bye.” you hang up and breeze past Kankri without answering him. 

“I asked you a question, it’s rude to just not answer me Karkat.” Kankri lectures you as you continue to ignore him. 

“Karkat!” he says snappily. 

“Stop bugging me Kankri, geez I just got here. You’re making me feel so unwelcome.” you retort. 

“You’re an absolute liar, you’ve never felt unwelcome in your life here or probably even anywhere else because you childishly act like you own everything despite every attempt I’ve made to teach you to act properly.” Kankri argues with you, setting his perfectly neatly maintained hands on his hips as he glares at you. 

“I hear arguing. Karkat!” Slick grins as he walks into the living room. He throws his arms open and embraces you. 

“Mm, hi dad.” you say happily as he pats your back and lets you go.

“Ma still getting ready?” you ask as you pull back. 

“She says she’s trying to make herself beautiful but- pff I’d say you can’t improve on perfection but she always proves me wrong.” your dad shrugs. 

“I’m gonna…” you hold up the present bag and your dad nods. Besides it gets you away from Kankri. You slip out of the room, stopping by the kitchen to make a mug of tea and then you walk down the polished hallway to your parents bedroom. 

You knock quietly on the door.

“Just me.” you call out and after a small pause open it. 

Your ma looks at you in the mirror as she fixes her earring in place, her smile is warm and you’ve really always considered her the most beautiful woman. Sure Snowman is movie star beautiful in a kind of serial killer way but your ma is just perfect to you. Maybe lots of people think their mothers are perfect but you’re pretty sure they’re all wrong and only you are right. Well, you and by definition Kankri you guess as you do share her. 

“Happy birthday!” you say instead of including her on any of that rambling train of thought.

“Sweetie.” she laughs softly and turns around. 

“Here.” you say, holding your hands out. 

“Tea! Also present!” she giggles, just teasing you. Though she does take the tea first and set it down on her vanity. 

“I hope you like it.” you tell her and sit down on the end of her bed. She slides brightly coloured pastel painted fingernails under the wrapping and pulls out the DVD and the folded sachet of microwave popcorn. It’s a romcom that you know neither of you have seen and she smiles brilliantly at it.

“Checked your schedule, neither of us are working Friday night. We could watch it.” you offer. 

“Ohhh, is this the one where she has memory loss and he’s a spy? Oh, this is great! Thank you Karkat.” she beams and kisses your cheek. 

“So how was work?” you ask her as she walks to the wardrobe. 

“The usual. Slips, trips, a car accident, two separate kids who put things up their noses they shouldn’t have. Same old.” your ma sighs as she flips through her dresses. 

“I never did that as a kid, did I?” you ask warily.

“You ate a lot of things you shouldn’t have but you never put anything up your nose. Not that I know about anyway.” she laughs. You wiggle your nose a little as paranoia overtakes you but you guess if it was going to kill you it would have done it before now. 

“Are you and Kankri getting on?” she asks and you know she knows the answer. 

“If he wasn’t such a condescending know it all…” you groan.

“It’s my birthday, be nice to each other. In fact go make nice with him now, ok?” she tells you, pointing towards the door. You want to argue but, well, birthday. You bow semi sarcastically and excuse yourself.

You don’t know where your dad is but Kankri is in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and texting on his phone. 

“Did she like the gift? What did you get her?” Kankri asks, not looking up. 

You bite back your instinctive insult and try instead to just talk to him. 

“A movie and some popcorn, we’re going to watch it together next week.” you tell him.

“You could at least have bought her something more expensive on her birthday, Karkat. She’s our mother and you should put your personal problems aside to better express your appreciation. Live in your fantasy the rest of the time but on occasions such as this you really ought to-” Kankri begins to lecture and your hand curls into a fist. 

“Oh yeah! Great idea! Here you go, Ma! A present I bought for you with your own money because my shitlord brother ties material wealth to immaterial value!” you say, waving your hands in the air. 

“I do apologise but one of us has a masters in economics and philosophy and I’m fairly sure it’s me and not you so I do believe that we will be taking my advice on this matter thank you very much. Should I ever require movie advice beyond what rotten tomatoes already deals out then I shall call you but until then we are very much in my field, thank you. Also as it happens I find your hypocritical denial of our money to be abhorrent, childish and nonsensical. You stand here in a penthouse suite in a suit you absolutely did not buy to go to a meal that you will not pay for but then you go home to your apartment with Kanaya that is absolutely paid for in a large part by Snowman and act like you are morally superior. Do pat yourself on the back for a job well done, you are so very much more moral. And yet of the two of us I am the one who donates money to charity, I am the one who keeps bad people in check, I am the reputable face of our foundation but you hold the opinion that I’m the bad guy.” Kankri lectures you sharply.

You’ve had this argument before so many times. Ever since you’ve said that actually you’d rather not be in the family business it’s been a bone of contention, not that the two of you were close beforehand but you’re even more distant now. 

“You’re impossible, I don’t know why I bother talking to you anymore.” you hiss and a screen in the wall buzzes. 

“You’re not even going to try to say that I’m wrong, then? Because you know that I’m right, that your running and denial is selfish and foolish.” Kankri snaps and the screen buzzes. 

“Are you going to get that?” you ask him. 

“Oh! Oh NOW you’re telling me how to do my job then? How presumptuous as ever!” Kankri declares and turns to the screen, jabbing at it. 

“Yes?” he asks sharply. 

“There’s a guy here who-” Mike says.

“Yes, flowers. I can see. Send him up Mitch.” Kankri says and hangs up. 

“It’s Mike you insufferable prick.” you sneer at him and march out of the kitchen to the front door. You can hear Kankri’s put upon sigh behind you and you think he’s probably going to follow you just to lecture you some more but you have to go open the door and procrastinate that lecture. 

You pull the door open to be confronted with a multicoloured bouquet of flowers in a vase, they must be for your ma. 

“Thanks, man. Do you need me to sign anything?” you ask as you take the vase from him. 

“Tell Slick Kingpin says hello.” the man says gruffly and you’re looking down the barrel of a gun. 

The vase shatters on the ground and you’re wrenching the surprised man’s gun up above your head. Kankri shouts your name, shouts for your dad and you can hear his dress shoes slamming into the floor as he sprints for you. All you care about is the gun but when the tip of a knife busts through the man’s forearm you’re able to release the magazine of the gun which clatters to the floor. 

Your dad elbows you aside and with five foot five of blistering fury he slams his metal bolstered fist into the man’s face, dropping him to the ground in a crumpled bleeding heap. He hauls the man up by his shirt, his fist drawn back and knuckleduster dripping blood and clearly ready to turn the guy’s skull inside out when a sound makes the three of your freeze. 

“What’s all that racket out there?” your ma calls. 

Unbridled panic flashes over Slick’s face. He drops the man, stamps his foot on the guy’s windpipe and waves his unbloodied hand at Kankri to close the front door just as he hides his bloodied fist behind his back. 

“Nothing dear!” he calls back. 

Your ma sticks her head out of her bedroom door, a pin held between her teeth as she tries to work another into her candy pink headscarf. Thankfully the bookcase obscures about half of your body and the guy on the floor too. 

“Boys were having an argument, became a scuffle, but we’re all good now, right boys?” your dad asks pointedly. 

“Yes dad.” you both echo obediently. 

“Sorry ma.” you add for good measure. 

Your mother shakes her head, nearly dislodges her scarf and with a noise of frustration ducks back into her bedroom. 

The three of you stand still for several seconds before looking down at the heavily bleeding concussed man on the floor. 

“We’re not ruining your mother’s birthday.” your dad says firmly and both you and Kankri nod in agreement. 

“What the fuck happened?” your dad demands and takes his foot off of the guy’s throat. 

“I… I didn’t properly check his credentials when the doorman buzzed for him. I was distracted, it’s my fault.” Kankri admits, hanging his head and your dad looks at him in disbelief. 

“He said to tell you Kingpin says hello and then tried to shoot me in the face but…” you hold up the magazine. 

“You got that out of the gun in the fight?” your dad says his eyebrows raising and a flicker of pride going over his face. You nod and try not to be smug because your dad’s proud of you and Kankri’s in trouble and yes you nearly got shot for that but you’re going to take this win, thank you very much. 

“Alright, alright, you two need to get him out of here so I can clean up. You need to take him somewhere, stash him with someone trustworthy and then you need to be at the restaurant on time. I will make sure she knows nothing and if I have to make a delay I will.

“Okay so-” you turn around. 

What you have in your hand is a magazine. It is full of bullets, precisely how many you can’t be sure. You would say that though this is a vital bit of a gun you can’t kill someone with it but that would be lying. You can kill someone with anything if you’re creative enough. Still, typically speaking this is more deadly inside a gun. Now, the thing with guns is, well there’s several things. They’re not really your kind of thing though you know your way around most of them. You take after your dad, knives are where it’s at. Anyone can wave a gun around and point and click kill someone but knives take some skill. If you get in a struggle with someone and take their gun you can get that you’re about as good with it as they are. If someone takes your knife the same cannot be said there. 

The point is, okay, the thing that you want to be clear about is that guns are dangerous. Obviously. But you should treat them with respect and never assume they’re unloaded. For example the gun that you all failed to pick up because your ma distracted you could well be loaded with one in the chamber despite you PRESENTLY holding the magazine in your hand. That’s the point. 

That all goes through your head in the half second when you turn around and see that the bloodied would be assassin has picked up his gun again and is trying to upgrade himself to actual assassin. The trigger clicks, you have enough time to think that if you get shot this will absolutely be a bad birthday and then you realise that you’re not shot. No one is shot. The guy is desperately pulling the trigger on nothing and you look away when your dad goes and more or less jumps up and down on him to get him out cold completely. 

“I… need the squeegee.” your dad finally pants. 

“I’ll get his feet.” you say and open the door. Kankri grabs the man’s wrists and the assassin wheezes at the movement. 

The two of you ungracefully walk to the service elevator, the one without a camera, and take it down to the car park in silence. There are cameras down here but Sollux has them all hacked and he’ll “lose” the footage for you without anyone needing to ask. 

“My car is not big enough for him.” you wheeze as you stagger backwards. 

“I told you it was impractical when you chose it.” Kankri says primly. 

“I didn’t choose it for the purposes of transporting semi conscious attempted murderers in the trunk, I chose it because it goes fast real good!” you snap. 

“Really well.” Kankri corrects you. 

“You know I said it that way for effect and this is all your fault I might add so maybe you could be a bit more contrite. Now open the damn car already.” you demand and Kankri drops the guys wrists so he falls on the floor and pulls his keys out of his jacket with care. He zaps the car which notably does not beep or flash because those features have been disabled. The trunk does pop open though. 

It’s flawlessly plastic lined, there is a neat stack of cable ties in the corner and a neatly folded neckerchief and a roll of duct tape. 

“Where do you put your groceries anyway?” you ask. 

“I get them delivered or if I have to I put them in the footwell, it’s hardly the end of the world. On three, one, two, three.” Kankri instructs you both and you both heft the guy into the back of the car. You let Kankri get on with the zip tying, gagging and such. 

“I need a new shirt.” you sigh, there’s blood spatter on yours. 

“Cronus will have one, you’re not that bad. Get in.” Kankri tells you. 

You climb into the passenger seat and Kankri starts to drive, he tells the hands free thing to call Cronus for him and when his obnoxious boyfriend picks up Kankri begins to talk. 

“Hello, Cronus. I know it’s my ma’s birthday and all but I just wanted to swing by before dinner to check the numbers with you on the Brody shipment, just to make sure we’re all in the black there. That won’t be a problem, right?” he asks calmly. 

“Oh! No, not at all Kanny. I’ll get everything ready for you, see you soon.” Cronus says cheerfully getting over his surprise.

The two of you don’t talk on the drive over. If you talk you’ll argue and look where that got you. Better just for you both to be silent. 

Cronus it seems has shirts of all sizes so you quickly wash up and find one that looks like yours and change. There’s nothing there like the red number Kankri was wearing so he has to change to a white one and make up a story about changing his clothes but that’s not your problem. All you know is that the unconscious and restrained attempted murderer is tied to a chair and Cronus is to leave him be until the crew get down here after your ma’s birthday dinner and find out the details of who he is and why. You find it hard to believe that Kingpin could be back, the Midnight Crew and Sleuth’s own crew of investigators locked that guy up when you were little. To orchestrate a hit now would be weird but these are dangerous times, as all times are you suppose. 

You squeeze your eyes shut when you’re back in Kankri’s car and on the way to the restaurant, Kankri has already dictated a text to your dad to let him know your ETA. You’re going to be a bit late, your dad may have to come up with a diversion. With your eyes shut you can still see that gun barrel in your mind, that could have been it for you. It could have been all over. Your hands shake and you pull your phone out.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]   
  
CG: HEY ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?   
TG: im being beaten at poker rn   
CG: COOL, COOL. THAT’S GOOD.   
TG: thanks for the support dude   
CG: OH, RIGHT, SORRY I DON’T MEAN GOOD. I MEAN BAD. SORRY ABOUT THE POKER LOSING.   
TG: uh   
TG: are you ok there    
TG: you seem a little like a robot coded to try to sound like karkat but its doing a bad job but damnit its trying the scientists cant unplug it what about its little robot heart how could you   
CG: OH GOD STOP TALKING   
TG: ah there we are   
CG: SO THAT THING WE TALKED ABOUT BEFORE.   
TG: oh yes the very specific thing i definitely know what you mean   
CG: I WAS GOING TO ELABORATE.   
TG: is that karkat for shut up   
TG: wait what am i saying we all know shut up is karkat for shut up   
CG: EXACTLY.   
CG: THE THING I WAS TALKING ABOUT WAS US. US BEING A THING. THAT WAS THE THING I MEANT.    
TG: oh   
TG: that thing   
TG: oh snap   
TG: are you saying you want to be a thing   
CG: IF YOU WANT TO BE.   
CG: ACTUALLY NO, I WANT US TO BE A THING EVEN IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE. OBVIOUSLY WE WON’T ACTUALLY BE A THING UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE A THING BUT ME WANTING IT WON’T STOP BEING A THING.   
CG: I’VE SAID THING TOO MUCH IT LOOKS WEIRD NOW.   
TG: like its not even a word   
CG: RIGHT.   
TG: to be like obnoxiously clear are you saying that you karkat vantas want to date me dave strider and be you know my boyfriend   
TG: is that the thing youre saying   
CG: IT IS.   
TG: well fuck me   
CG: I MEAN I’M NOT UNINTERESTED IN THAT IDEA BUT KIND OF TRYING TO FOCUS ON DATING YOU FIRST, NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH NOT DOING IT IN THAT ORDER.    
TG: i didnt mean literally   
TG: i may also mean literally but thats not the point   
TG: (or is it)   
TG: my point is that id be disgustingly happy to date you   
CG: OH. THAT’S GREAT!   
CG: THANK YOU.   
CG: WAIT THANK YOU WAS A WEIRD THING TO SAY THERE WASN’T IT?   
TG: little bit yeah   
TG: not to look a gift horse in the mouth here which why is that a thing but still why the sudden asking    
TG: werent you busy today with bdays and stuff what made you ask   


You cannot write that you could have died today and maybe it made you want to stop fucking around about the things that you want. You cannot tell him that, at least not yet. He doesn’t know about you and maybe if you can figure out a way to tell him you can let him know about this at some point but this is not that point. 

CG: JUST SOMETIMES THINGS GIVE YOU PERSPECTIVE, YOU KNOW?   
TG: well i cant argue with the result   
CG: I GOTTA GO THOUGH, WE’RE NEARLY AT THE PLACE AND TRAFFIC WAS BAD AND MY BROTHER DRIVES LIKE A NINETY YEAR OLD MAN.    
TG: how do you drive   
TG: wait no   
TG: fast and furious   
CG: YOU’RE NOT WRONG.   
CG: OK I GOTTA GO   
TG: bye!   
CG: BYE

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

You get out of the car and get into the restaurant, it’s a little thai place and your dad booked the whole thing out. There’s a big long table and the whole gang’s here and the only people who are missing are your parents. You drop into your seat with a sigh that has Aradia raising an eyebrow at you but you don’t get time to explain because the door is dinging and your parents are walking in. Your dad’s hand is bandaged so you guess he found some way to create a distraction, he is dedicated if nothing else. 

“What happened to YOU?” Droog demands with a ferally wide grin as he leans over his daughters to point at your dad. Vriska flicks her dad’s tie out of her face from him leaning like that but she too seems interested in the story. 

“Nothing happened!” your dad insists loudly. 

“Someone accidentally stabbed themselves.” your ma says primly and there’s a beat of silence before everyone around you erupts into mocking laughter. 

“Oh yeah? Well all of you can go f-”

“Jack.” 

Your dad squints at your ma but does indeed stop talking. When she turns her back to take her coat off your dad mouths ‘fuck off’ to all of you. 

“He said it!” Droog laughs brightly and your ma gives your dad a reprimanding look. 

Everyone is seated, food is brought out and at least for a time you’re able to relax into the normality of a family event. You talk to Kanaya and Aradia, you listen to Tavros’ stories and try to avoid any conversation with Vriska at all really. As the meal breaks up and the evening goes on people switcheroo their seats a lot and you think down by the bar you see a surreptitious drinking game going on with the older siblings relating to whatever Kankri is saying. 

You do catch that while your ma is preoccupied talking to Snowman that your dad is talking to his friends in hushed tones and you watch as the smiles fall off of all of their faces and their expressions become very serious. They quickly pretend things are alright again of course, no one wants to ruin your ma’s birthday but there’s a tone to it now. 

Your dad wraps his arm around your shoulders as you go to leave with Kanaya. 

“I need you to go home, lock the door and wait for me. Don’t open the door to anyone, I’ve got your key.” he says under his breath. You nod and leave to catch up to a puzzled looking Kanaya. You fill her in on the way back and her knuckles are white on the signature 8ball of her stick shift, the fact that Vriska so badly wants to crib that look has been no end of frustration to Kanaya. 

“And your ma doesn’t know?” Kanaya gasps. 

“Didn’t want to ruin her special day.” you shrug. 

“Your dad has to tell her tomorrow though! She’s not stupid and if she finds out Slick’s been hiding it from her he’ll be on the sofa for weeks, surely!” she insists. 

“That is so not my problem.” you whistle and shake your head. Your dad has been relegated to the sofa for numerous things throughout their marriage, including but not limited to: failing to tell her about serious injuries, failing to get proper medical care when your wife is a damned nurse, drunkenly insisting with Boxcars that he so could swim across the Hudson faster than him, teaching you every curse word in his first week of having adopted you and the list goes on. You’re going to bet ‘not ever telling her that her son was almost murdered’ will for sure get him on the sofa again until he profusely apologises and mends his ways. Your ma is under no illusions about the man she married but certain shenanigans she WILL NOT tolerate. 

“I asked Dave out.” you announce. 

“So we are in shock a little bit then, ok. Did he say yes?” Kanaya asks. 

“I would be very drunk had he said no.” you point out and Kanaya nods in vague agreement if not approval. 

You park outside your building and do as you were told. You lock the door and sit in an armchair, knife in hand, Kanaya with a sawn off shotgun on the sofa cushion next to her. It’s several hours until your dad shows up, his key clicking in the lock. 

“It’s me.” he says before opening the door and Kanaya’s hand relaxes on her weapon. He comes up the stairs and nods in approval at your joint state of readiness. 

“I see Karkat filled you in.” he says and shoves a chair over. 

“It’s horrible, do you think he was going for Karkat specifically?” Kanaya asks. 

“Don’t know. It looked that way but it could have just been he was closer or maybe he just wanted one of my kids and either would have done. Not sure yet. We don’t think he’s working for Kingpin either, some groupie probably.” your dad says and falls into the armchair with a wheeze of old leather. 

“But you can’t say for sure.” you conclude. 

“We’re working on it. Sleuth is… sleuthing. It’s being taken care of but it’d be best if you weren’t here, both of you. You should go somewhere unpredictable. We’ll keep local eyes on you wherever you go but we’ll stay here.” your dad says wearily and scrubs at his face with his hands. 

“What about Washington?” Kanaya blurts out. 

“Why the fuck would you or anyone want to go to Washington?” your dad asks, narrowing his eyes at her. 

“Doesn’t that make it a perfect place to go?” Kanaya points out. 

Your dad seems to consider that for a moment and then shrugs. 

“Washington it is. Hiring you a private plane, taking ours would be too obvious a tell. Be at JFK for nine, I’ll text you all the details.” your dad sighs and gets up tiredly. You doubt he’s going to sleep tonight. You hug him goodbye and lock the door after him. 

“Why Washington?” you ask as you come back in the room.

“That’s where the band will be tomorrow, I’m going to message Rose to see if she can get us VIP tickets!” Kanaya says gleefully. But you suppose you shouldn’t be surprised, she always was one to see the good in a bad situation. Plus it’ll be nice to see your… boyfriend. He’s your boyfriend now, holy shit.


End file.
